


Everlast

by Tiara_of_Sapphires



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Immortal Rey, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 00:49:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17652839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiara_of_Sapphires/pseuds/Tiara_of_Sapphires
Summary: He was her lost love, but everything had changed. Everything had changed, except for her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy. Here we go. Vaguely inspired by the Greek myth of Eos and Tithonus. VAGUELY. VERY VAGUELY. But the rest is canon-verse with a twist.  
> Thank you so goshdang much too kuresoto for beta-ing! I really appreciate it ;w;  
> One-time disclaimer that I don’t own Star Wars etc. etc.

Rey’s hands shook just a little as she prepared two cups of tea, something she had done many, many times before.

This time was different.

She spooned in a little sugar, wiping her face with her free hand. Her mouth shook towards a frown, trying to counteract the smile she tried to paste on her face.

“Rey?”

She jolted at the rasping, weak call of her name, tea sloshing in one of the cups she had taken.

“I’m here, Ben.”

Ben smiled softly from where he lay in bed, reaching out a hand.

“Come here. Forget the tea.”

Her mouth was still shaking. She didn't cry often in front of Ben, especially not in recent days. No, she would go outside or to another room to cry.

“Okay, my love.”

It was a short trip to the bedroom from the kitchen. She sat down at the edge of the bed, reaching to comb her fingers through a couple errand hairs that had fallen onto his face.

“You’re going to need a haircut soon,” Rey mused.

Ben sighed a laugh, a private joke that should have been dark and depressing but somehow wasn’t.

‘Soon’ now meant ‘never again’.

Rey knew he was dying. She had been lucky to find him at the prime of his life, living with him until…until the end. All her powers couldn't keep death away forever, though it kept his mind intact and most ailments away.

“My Rey of sunshine,” he cooed, smiling like he thought he was so smart, as if he hadn’t called her that many times in the years that they had known and loved each other.

Her hand cradled him, thumb swiping over the cool metal and stone of his ring. They had gotten matching rings made years ago: a dark purple stone set on a polished silver band.

The purple had been Ben’s idea, easily convincing Rey that it was the best choice. She loved them, especially seeing them together as they held each other’s hands.

“You will stay with me?” Ben asked.

A childlike fear crossed his face and Rey let a few tears fall.

“Of course, Ben.”

She held his hand as breathing became more and more difficult for him, barely aware of dusk melting to dawn outside. She talked about mindless things, about gossip from the neighbors, about the past…about how much she loved him.

“Rey.”

She stiffened, pressing closer as Bens chest moved up and down in jerky bursts. He was struggling. She knew that the mortal body would do something like this, at the end, but it was gut-wrenching to watch.

All this power and she could do nothing.

“Shh, it’s okay, Ben. I’m here,” she whispered.

She touched his hair, kissed his forehead and cheeks.

“Rey.”

A rasp, then a sigh, like relief. He moved in tiny fits, once, twice. Then, he went still.

His dark eyes were half-shuttered, hand limp in hers.

In her long, long years she had known death and the mixed blessing it was. He was to return to the Living Force and he would be with her in some capacity for all time.

But this…was wrong. She couldn’t feel him anymore.

Rey gasped, her entire body shaking. Something must have gone wrong.

Why? Why couldn’t she feel him?

She didn't feel him anymore, not even a wisp of his presence. He was gone.

She had prepared herself for this: for Ben to become one with the Living Force. He would remain in some form, for her to communicate with and take comfort in. It would’ve been a small consolation, but it was the only thing that had kept her from truly despairing as his health failed.

And now…

Rey hiccupped a sob, curling over his lifeless body.

He was her everything. Traversing the world without someone with her for millennia had been painful enough. She had a taste of this thing called love and companionship, someone who could understand and live with the truth that she was unaging and powerful and almost disconnected from other intelligent beings. The closest she could get were with Force-sensitives, but, in her years, she also learned it was best to avoid them like one would avoid disease.

Ben had understood and she loved him for it.

Still loved him for it.

And now...

Now, she didn't know where to go from here.

* * *

 “ _I’m sorry, Rey._ ”

Rey didn't lift her face from her hands. It was the chorus of voices, those who had been absorbed by the Living Force. She couldn't hear Ben’s voice hidden in the chorus, so she paid little mind.

She focused on the earth beneath her knees and the dirt under her fingernails. Tradition was to burn the body and scatter the ashes. If it had been anyone else, she would have done it.

She couldn't bring herself to do it. Instead, she grabbed a shovel from the little shed on their homestead and dug a hole. She dug until her shoulders burned from the effort, using none of her powers to make her task easier. Naboo’s soil was mercifully soft, but she dug as deep as she could, deeper than what was probably necessary.

Then, she carried his sheet-covered body, too light in his frailness.

“What do I have to do to bring him back?” she asked flatly.

She could imagine their expression of pity for her. Perhaps, a beat of hesitation.

“ _You know that isn’t possible._ ”

That wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear, but it was the answer she should have expected. There were laws that couldn't be broken. Death was one of them. People had tried over the many millennia with none succeeding.

She wasn’t going to be added to the list of those who drove themselves insane trying to defy death.

“I guess all I can do is leave,” she whispered.

The homestead was just far enough away from the village that nobody bothered them much in the years they had lived there. When they would go into the village, as time passed, Rey was mistaken for Ben’s daughter, then his granddaughter. It always made Rey sad, though Ben got a kick out of it. Nobody was there to notice how Rey was the same person every time and never aged. There wasn’t a lot to leave behind.

She stood, pain wracking through her, body and soul.

The short walk to the front door felt too long, a chill curling through her. Their cozy little home was so cold now.

The pair of rings rested like ice on her chest, suspended by a chain around her neck.

She found her plain brown pack first, packing a set of clothes and a couple toiletries. That was reflexive, obvious choices to make before setting off. A few ration packs, a canteen and a bowl.

Ben's quiet humming no longer filled the space. She missed it like she missed sunlight.

What else could she take from here that meant anything?

She could leave with only utilitarian things but she could regret that decision for the rest of time.

“Why did you leave me alone, Ben?” she breathed.

She felt like a child, one that hadn’t fully understood death yet. Rey had lived for thousands of years and knew exactly what it was. It was natural, a part of life, but that didn't mean she was supposed to like it.

A few shiny rocks sat on the windowsill. She plucked up the middle one, green and translucent. Ben had loved rock collecting. Rock collecting and calligraphy.

He spent a lot of time painting her name: blocky letters and swirly letters and in different alphabets.

She folded up one piece of paper with her name in large, simple script and tucked it into her pocket, along with the rock.

It wasn’t a lot. Ben showed his love more through word and action than through gifts. While it hadn’t bothered her before, now that his tongue was silenced and his limbs unmoving, she wished she had more things to remember him by.

“ _A war is coming._ ”

Rey rolled her eyes at the gravitas of the statement. A war was always coming. Force-sensitives loved to kill each other in the name of their ideologies. Everyone else killed for their ideologies, power, resources, or for fun.

It wasn’t anything Rey could be bothered with. She had found her little corner of the galaxy to settle and now all she could do was wait as the foundation of her homestead crumbled around her and her love’s body reduced to dirt.

She had the rock, the paper, and the pair of rings. It was all she needed.

Maybe, in time, she would be able to move on. It wasn’t an impossibility, but the possibility seemed so far away.

“ _Where will you go?_ ”

She sighed, wrapping cloth around her staff before slinging her pack across her back.

“I know I cannot escape this.”

That was a given. She couldn't escape the Force no matter how hard she tried. She was born from it and molded by it. It was part of her.

Blessed silence followed in response, for once.

“Don’t follow me. Don’t follow me in any way that matters.”

A bristling through the Force, as if irritated.

“Are you going to stop me?” Rey snapped.

A beat of hesitation, a physical weight on her shoulders. “ _No._ ”

“Good.”

She pushed the door closed behind her, the hood of her cloak shielding her from the faint sprinkle of rain that had blown in. It had been sunny and bright in the morning, but now it was miserable and grey.

She looked back at the house, sniffing wetly.

She couldn’t bring herself to burn Ben's body and she couldn’t bring herself to burn down their home.

Perhaps someone would find it someday and all the belongings left in pairs. Or perhaps the building would sit untouched until time destroyed it.

She wouldn’t return. The thought of returning made her gut clench in sorrow.

“Just leave me alone,” she pled to the sky.

Her awareness of the energy around her didn’t change. If she tried hard enough, she could sense life in the next star system and the next and the next. She didn’t want it anymore.

She couldn’t sense Ben, so what was the point?

She would live. Her will to live didn’t lessen one bit but that didn't mean she would be happy living it alone.

She walked into town and hitched a ride to the nearest spaceport.

Nobody bothered her, just as she wanted. Being what she was meant that the world was too loud by just existing. She usually had a handle on it. Over the years she had learned how to center herself and tune out the noise of everything around her.

When Ben was alive, he was her anchor. She would focus on his energy, on the cells that made up his hands and his eyes and his heart.

Now she floundered, everything she had learned was dangling just beyond her reach.

She let out a long sigh and closed her eyes. Her hand found the rings around her neck as the transport took her away from the planet of gardens and lakes.

Time and space moved around her in a nonsensical smear until she landed on a desert world.

There were more non-living things than living on Jakku. It was a dull hum, each grain of sand the same note in the Force.

Still, there was no Ben in that song.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -dances-  
> Aha you thought Chapter 1 was painful, things will get worse :)  
> Thanks to erryone who commented and stuff!! And thank you to kuresoto for beta-ing   
> Enjoy!

Rey’s mind and memory faded over the years out of self-preservation. The sorrow, the loneliness, remembering what she once had in the face of utter scarcity, would have driven her mad.

Her dreams were still haunted by the black-haired man. Her love had become a ghost, but not the kind of ghost that she would have accepted. He was memories that got hazier by the day and nothing more.

The rings hanging around her neck were her anchor. They muted the surroundings and reminded her that, at least at one time, she was loved, even when she couldn't quite remember by who.

Years wore by. Her hair stayed brown, skin without wrinkles. The dark circles under her eyes stayed dark. The sparkle in her eye dimmed.

An aberration, she knew. Something to be hidden.

She dug through the dirt and rock and hauled metal for the taskmasters in town for food. It was an unhappy existence, but it was an existence.

Wars were fought. An army without life fighting an army without freedom. Rey felt balance shift towards the Dark Side but she did nothing.

Something told her that she didn't need to intervene, but guilt still ate at her. People were dying and the scales were tipping.

Finally, the tide turned towards the Dark and it was crippling. The Force roiled and screamed as Force-sensitives were slaughtered in droves, then a continuous cry of pain as millions were killed and subjugated. A new war bloomed from there, a struggle for balance.

Those were difficult times. She couldn’t sleep with the pain of it. The rings dug indents into her hand from where she clenched around them.

She walked through her life in the desert, always looking over her shoulder, not just for the rival scavengers who would’ve loved to gut her but also those who would’ve sought to control her.

Those like her, born from the Force and only the Force, kept to themselves. They had once been a player in galactic affairs many thousands of years ago, before the Jedi Order. They held leadership positions and led armies. They went to war with each other and with Force users who fancied themselves dictators of planets. Now, they allowed themselves be forgotten.

Some of them faded back to the Force while others persisted, living quiet lives. Their existence was never mentioned in holocrons or carved into the walls of monolithic temples.

It was easier that way, to avoid exploitation and being dragged into battles that would mean only suffering for them.

Rey lived under the threat of conscription into this war or outright execution. Force-sensitives were snuffed out like candles in the wind and it could only be a matter of time before she was found.

Nobody came to find her and, one day, the darkness abated, becoming near-silent. She could sleep again. Then, the fight came to Jakku. There were no Force-sensitives, Light or Dark, among the starships. Remnants were still there, but it was back to the fight of ideology.

Fire and metal rained from the sky.

Rey hesitated before fleeing her little hut, snatching her few belongings before scrambling onto her speeder and racing away.

Later, when she returned, she found that a starfighter had impacted on her little hovel. Gore splattered in the cockpit, the pilot's species indistinguishable in the mangled mess.

She sighed, shrugging her pack on her shoulder before turning back toward town. A pity. She had some sense of affection for her hut; it had taken so much time to build it. It was just far enough away from the nearest shadow of civilization that nobody bothered her.

Now, she had to start again.

A remnant of that battle, a four-legged metal creature, became her new home. The elements and the animals that stalked the dunes made quick work of whatever crew had remained. It was too easy for Rey to ignore the imprint of their existence on the Force.

The migration brought her to a new place. Her new taskmaster was a vile Crolute out of Niima Outpost. She had avoided that particular place in the years she had lived on Jakku, but she had exhausted all the places to work out of. Nobody had noticed that she hadn’t aged since she never stuck around long enough in one place for anyone to notice.

Unkar Plutt was especially stingy with food, even though the Empire—she had learned that the huge ships she had seen belonged to the Empire—had brought a wealth of scavenging material. The wreckage still smoldered in the sand and was generally too dangerous to explore just yet. She poked around a little, but she wasn’t willing to blow off a limb out of greed.

Plutt had enough greed for the rest of Jakku. He even had her and the rest of the workers clean the pieces before turning them in. She had a permanent knot in the center of her shoulders from the work.

It wore down her soul, this work.

Though the Jakku sun was always blistering and the sandstorms biting, she felt empty and cold, all the time.

The rings around her neck couldn’t even bring the ghost of happiness anymore.

It took a long time, but eventually her abilities locked away. There was no strength and no joy. The Living Force had taken her word seriously and withdrew from her, not that she wanted to talk to them anyway.

She only could etch tick marks into the walls of her hovel, counting up the days between the time she found her shelter and the time she would inevitably have to leave it.

* * *

More years passed, until a century had elapsed. All that time under Jakku’s sky, it had her forgetting what gardens and oceans looked like. The faint memories would invade her dreams, along with memories of a black-haired man. Sometimes, the sandstorms sounded like an ocean or the quiet lapping of waves on a lakeshore.

Sometimes, she would see a tall figure in the haze of her dreams, resting in the soft sand with the water drifting over their feet and she would wake up with her eyes filled with tears. She had forgotten why the blurry figure would make her cry, but somehow it never failed to make her feel like she had been buried under a sand dune.

One day, a droid in the sands broke the monotony.

BB-8 chirped and beeped cheerfully after Rey rescued him. There was very little bite in her voice when she insisted that he head to Niima Outpost alone. She couldn’t help the little flame of warmth blooming in her chest at the idea of someone to talk to when she allowed him to stay the night.

“So, where have you been, aside from here?”

“I’ve been all over,” he said, rocking in place as if smug.

She had been many places as well, but she was forgetting the places.

“No need to brag,” Rey grumbled.

Her stomach ached and her head throbbed. It was her daily life, but recently, the sensation was more obvious. She had been good at tuning out the pain, but now the pain was leaking into her consciousness.

“You wouldn’t have some rations in one of those compartments, would you?”

BB-8 cooed sorrowfully, telling her that he didn’t. He had shed most of the excess weight he carried during his trek in the desert. His human master was missing and droids didn’t eat, so there was no use in keeping food around.

He made a point that there was something he couldn’t abandon in his possession. He wasn’t going to tell her what it was, but he made sure she knew that he had something.

Rey smiled indulgently. “Of course.”

It felt good to smile again.

BB-8 was no help the following day while she was scavenging. He was good company though, humming and beeping softly as she scrounged to find exactly four measly pieces of scrap to sell.

“What do you think, BB-8?” Rey asked, raising one of them towards the light.

BB-8 made a squeaking sound, like it was clear he had no idea what she was talking about. It was less the parts themselves that were valuable but there was titanium alloy and superconducting liquid in the pieces that would be worth trading.

Scavenging was its own art. Over the years, she got better and better at it. It was a good way to distract herself.

It wasn’t like she could leave. She had made a mistake in choosing Jakku as her place to settle. There were very few options for leaving the planet, most involving money she didn’t have. There was nobody alive to take her away from this place.

“Come on, BB-8. Let’s go.”

The droid squealed from his seat in the netting attached to her speeder, both out of fear and excitement, as they zoomed over the dunes back to Niima Outpost.

She walked away from Plutt’s station with not enough food to even attempt to tame the gnawing hunger for the night. It could’ve been different. Plutt offered of a year’s worth of food for BB-8, slamming packets after packets in front of her face.

She wanted it—the wave of selfishness was almost overwhelming—but she couldn’t do it. She _liked_ BB-8 and she couldn't sell her friend, no matter how much food she would receive for doing so. It felt like handing a child over to the jaws of a hungry, wild animal.

BB-8 beeped and cooed, following her like a pet, thanking her over and over for not selling him.

“No problem. Let’s go.”

She wasn’t going to eat much that night. She could meditate in the quiet and pretend the gnawing hunger didn’t exist.

At least, she would have a friend to talk to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3  
> Any and all feedback is appreciated! Really! Please! It helps!  
> Cheers!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so soooo much to everyone who commented and kudo’ed and stuff :D It makes me so gosh darn happy!!  
> And an even bigger thanks to kuresoto for beta-ing this!  
> Enjoy!

Blasterfire and the gurgling snarling from Rathtars rang in her ears as the _Millennium Falcon_ hummed softly.

She was clumsy at fighting. It had been too many years since she had fought people wielding blasters. She was good with her dagger and staff and fists, but none of those were particularly good in a blasterfight or against many-tentacled monsters.

This wasn’t how she expected her day was going to go. Sure, BB-8 was a refreshing break from her day to day. However, stealing a starship, nearly getting blown up, as well as almost being eaten alive had remained fantasies and nightmares until then.

The bad brought the good in equal measure. Finn made her smile. He was a blazing light and she wondered if anyone else could see how blinding he was. Han and Chewie made her smile as well.

Her number of sentient acquaintances— _friends?_ —grew from 0 to 3 within the span of a few hours. These people were vibrant and full of energy.

 _People who were going to die_ , came that tiny, ugly voice in her head. Maybe not today, but later. At some point. She was a stone, worn down slowly but never truly disappearing. They were flowers, growing bright and beautiful and fading too quickly.

People always died. She didn’t.

Why? She couldn't remember why it was like this.

The holographic stars blinking in her face chased away the thought, not allowing her to dwell on it for too long.

There was a map to Luke Skywalker. That was what BB-8 was carrying and why people were chasing them.

The name, Skywalker, echoed in her mind, as her eyes roamed the star chart that had an end but no beginning. It was a name repeated in both wonder and derision amongst the people of Jakku. He was a man who had disappeared and didn't want to be found.

That name had a note of familiarity. She didn't know why.

“He was training a new generation of Jedi,” Han explained in a near-reverent tone. “One boy, an apprentice, turned against him and destroyed everything.”

She bit her tongue as inexplicable guilt flickered in her chest.

“Luke felt responsible, so he just walked away from it all.”

Though Han probably didn't know the effect his words had, they struck her hard. She walked and walked away for years, but she didn't know how to stop or why she would.

“What happened to him?” Finn asked.

He was full of wide-eyed curiosity, grasping onto every piece of information he could.

“Nobody really knows, rumors mostly,” Han murmured. “The people who knew him best thought he went looking for the first Jedi temple.”

The image of pillars and spires and gardens flashed through her mind, but it wasn’t quite right. Too new.

A cave, the ocean. No, that couldn’t be right, could it?

She sucked in a breath through her teeth, pressing a hand against her temple for a moment, ignoring the look of concern Finn shot her.

“Well, if you want my help, you’re getting it. We’re gonna get your droid home.”

Relief sunk into her chest and she smiled when BB-8 whistled.

Chewbacca grunted as they dropped out of hyperspace. Shyriiwook was a pleasant sound to her ears. She had met a few Wookiees during her life and the language was notoriously difficult to understand, but she had time to learn it. She had an abundance of time. It was all she had.

The Falcon shook and hummed as they approached a green and blue sphere. Takodana, as the navicomputer stated.

She could almost smell the cool, fresh air, once they made their final approach.

“I don't remember there being this much green in the galaxy,” she breathed.

Her feet planted firmly on the hillside, Rey let her eyes shut as she inhaled deeply. It was close to a kind of peace, but not quite. It had the echoes of a life that had faded into her dreams. She still had a job to do.

When Han pressed a blaster into her hand and offered her a job, she wavered. The thought of it made her heart flip and her body cold. The urge to accept the offer jumped to her mouth. It would be something to do, she supposed.

“ _You’re so lonely but you’re afraid to let anyone in._ ”

Strange. A voice that came from inside her, but wasn’t her own.

She rubbed the back of her neck, forcing the voice from her head. “I’m flattered, really I am. But, I should be getting home.”

Rey could predict the disbelief in Han’s voice before it could appear in his face. “Home? Jakku?”

She shrugged, not answering one way or another. Jakku was no home, rather a place to settle for a little while. Maybe once her job was done for BB-8, she could return to a place like Takodana and find a livelihood there. Somewhere new, anywhere but a desert.

Han didn’t press on the matter, instead led her, Finn, and BB-8 towards that huge structure.

“Why are we here exactly?” Rey asked.

“We need to get your droid on a clean ship. It’s no accident Chewie and I could find the _Falcon_. The First Order can’t be far behind.”

“Great,” Finn breathed, glancing down at BB-8, who beeped softly.

“Maz Kanata has been keeping this watering hole for a thousand years. If anyone can help us, it’s her.”

Rey stiffened. Was this Maz like her? She could _sense_ something, now that she was on Takodana. It was strange, like flexing a limb she hadn’t used in a long time, that she had forgotten she had.

The bar doors opened, a blast of music and the smell of alcohol hitting her in the face. Life, lots of different forms, now surrounded her and it was so damn noisy.

“Han Solo!” came a loud female voice booming throughout the bar, and suddenly all the attention was on them.

Han sighed before waving, “Hi Maz!”

Rey looked over the short figure approaching. Maz Kanata had a definite power about her, something older than anyone in the room, save Rey.

“Where’s my boyfriend?” Maz asked, immediately.

Finn and Rey exchanged a wide-eyed look—Finn in dismay and Rey in amusement—as Han grinned. “Chewie’s on the _Falcon_.”

“I like that Wookiee. But, enough about that. You’re here and that means you need something, desperately.”

Maz looked at BB-8, then at Finn and Rey. Her eyes stayed on Rey for a beat and Rey stared back.

“Let’s get to it.”

They followed her obediently and sat around a large table. Rey immediately turned to the fruit on the table, stuffing the closest thing her hands could find into her mouth.

The story itself wasn’t hard to recount. Everything came down to the map and getting it as far away from the huge target that was the _Falcon_ and to the Resistance. Maz didn't have the same idea.

“Go home, Han.”

Han shook his head. “Leia doesn’t want to see me.”

Leia? The name resonated, a strange thread where the end eluded her sight.

“We must break this cycle. The Dark Side. Over the ages, I have seen evil take many forms: the Sith, the Empire, now, the First Order. We must stand and fight, end this for good.”

Finn was stiff, listening to Maz talking about this new war. Rey watched, frozen in place.

“There’s no fight against the First Order, not one we can win,” Finn exclaimed.

Something seemed to shift around the table, as Rey shrunk a little in seat, suddenly uncomfortable. Maz crawled across the table as Finn panicked and Han looked on in amusement.

“If you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people.”

Rey wasn’t so sure about that, but she kept her mouth shut. Sure, plenty of people were similar, but everyone was different. She wouldn’t find another person like Finn or Han anywhere in the galaxy.

Maz wasn’t finished, watching Finn like she was peering into his soul, maybe even seeing past him. “I see the eyes of a man who wants to run.”

Anger. Anger flared almost instantly in Finn, something Rey could feel viscerally.

“You don't know a damn thing about me or what I’ve had to do,” Finn hissed. “You don’t know the First Order like I do. We all need to run, if we want to stay alive.”

Maz eyed him, crawling back into her chair like nothing had happened. She jabbed a finger at two figures sat at another table.

“Those two will exchange work for safe passage to the Outer Rim. Go, then you can disappear.”

Immediately, Rey could feel Finn drifting away from her, a distant but distinct feeling. The bar, this place, was heavy with energy, pulling at her attention.

She followed once he left the table, ignoring the pitying expression from Han, keeping her distance as Finn hissed and wheedled expertly, signing himself on to these two smugglers.

She approached him, grabbing his arm and pulling him away. “Why are you leaving? We have a job to do.”

Running again would be easier. Wading into a war wasn’t something to be taken lightly.

She could see the willingness to stand and fight; she couldn't understand why he was leaving.

“I’m not who you think I am,” Finn said.

The words had weight in his voice, like they were words he had pent up for too long, but she couldn't understand why. She had felt no malevolence, though she knew that he had been a bit avoidant. “What does that have to do with anything?” Rey asked, shaking her head.

His confession came like an exhale, air pent up in his chest for too long. “I’m a Stormtrooper.”

Faceless, blank, the memory of a memory flashing across her mind. Rey opened her mouth, then shut it. Something told her that it had to be his turn to speak.

“I was taken away from my family when I was a child and raised to fight for them,” he said, “My first battle, I made a choice. I wasn’t gonna be their killer, so I ran. Then, I found you.”

He paused, throat working. “You’re the first person who looked at me like I was a person.”

Kindness had radiated off of him when she first met him and it was still there at that moment. She couldn't help but feel affectionate towards him.

“Don’t go,” she pressed.

She would miss him if he left and she wasn’t sure she would remember him if he left her so soon. He stepped forward, like he was going to change his mind and stay.

“Take care of yourself, Rey.”

Then, he backed away, disconnecting from her, letting her go. Finn followed the two figures out the door and Rey turned her back, face turning down into a frown.

It was nice while it lasted, having a friend like Finn. She harbored no judgement for Finn being a Stormtrooper, only sorrow. A good man like that deserved a happy childhood and freedom from pain.

If he were to find peace in some forgotten corner of the galaxy, then she could sleep easy.

“ _You left_.”

Rey gasped, a chill arcing down her spine. No, it wasn’t right. It wasn’t in her head, it was in her ears. She could hear it, but nobody reacted like they had heard it as well.

A breath of a word, not belonging to anyone in the bar or anyone on Takodana, but beyond and too close at the same time. Her eyes traced a path to a set of stone steps down further into Maz’s castle and her feet followed.

BB-8 followed her, though she was only distantly aware of him.

Down a dim hallway, now the voice louder.

“ _Where have you been?_ ”

Where _had_ she been? Wait, who wanted to know?

The lock to the storage room unlocked with a beep, the door raising, unbidden.

Rey trailed in, the weight bearing down at her, pulling her in like a sandpit, pressing at her back like a wild wind.

The taste of dust and metal met her, the sight of it following, then there was a chest that looked very out of place with the rest of the things stored in the room. Her feet carried her, dropping her to her knees. She opened it, the hinges creaking softly. A lightsaber, fairly new in design, sat amongst old and frayed linens.

She reached forward, curiosity getting the better of her.

“ _You. Left_.” The words exploded around her.

Rey clapped her hands over her ears, the lightsaber still hooked between her thumb and pointer finger. She lurched to her feet, as if getting herself away from the mouth of the chest would make the booming voice any quieter.

“ _How many died because you left. You coward, you let yourself waste away._ ”

Invisible hands shoved her shoulder, spinning her around.

The dim natural light of the storage room changed to yellow-ish natural light, contrasted with shadows cast by children standing in the center of a room.

The Temple, the little robes.

“What are we gonna do?” asked a boy, the bravest one who stepped forward towards her.

Terror flickered in his eyes, reeling back, as a blue light crashed down, cleaving through the boy’s face.

“Stop!” Rey yelled, trying to turn away from the slaughter but unable as bodies littered the ground and smoke filled her nose.

A fever flashed across her forehead, the light turning red and the ground becoming unstable.

“ _You think this is all that has happened?_ ”

A searing pain rocketed up her arm, down her legs, there and gone in a moment.

Pain arched up her back, slicing. Pain crushed on her shoulders, an endless weight.

“ _You think this is a fraction of the pain that has tormented the galaxy?_ ”

An invisible hand gripped the back of her head as the color drained to black, a singular blue-and-green sphere floating before her.

A green beam of light connected with the planet and shattered it into a trillion tiny pieces. The wave of grief and pain overwhelmed her, sending her crumpling to her knees.

Alderaan. She had visited there many years ago, just before the creation of the Galactic Republic. It had been beautiful, _achingly beautiful_.

It was her second choice to settle a century ago, but if she had picked it, she never would have met Ben.

Ben.

The lightsaber almost slipped out of her grip.

“ _Good. Awaken._ ”

Rey shook her head, over and over, chasing the visions away. Her mind was connected to the web of life and energy again. It was so _loud_. She had forgotten how loud it was.

It was out of mental strength that she hadn’t been driven insane over the years from all the pain and death she could sense. Her hands were stuck to the burning wires as the energy currents ripped through her.

That lightsaber…

“What was that?” she breathed.

No Jedi could have done something like this, not even the most powerful Force users. It could only be from the Force itself.

Surely…

The quiet tap-tap of footsteps caught her attention, before the presence that was Maz caught up to her. She could see Maz in a different way now. Wise, old, but still young in the grand scheme of the Force.

Maz approached her, eyes wide. “I had my suspicions about you. I thought your kind had been extinct since the rise of the Empire.”

Rey recoiled, throat suddenly raw from tears. She could see her, through it all.

“We’re good at hiding,” Rey replied blankly with a hoarse voice.

No, they weren’t extinct. They had survived countless wars. Rey had felt every death that ever happened to her kind, though there was a multitude of deaths years earlier. Armies of white and a wraith in black marched on people like her, offering only death.

“The lightsaber called to you _. Reawakened you_.”

Rey had been in a daze for so long. She knew that, but it had been a near-blissful haze. Now, she was connected to the Force and everything it touched, the way she was supposed to be.

“The lightsaber has been owned by powerful Force users and now it called to you to wield it against the Dark Side.”

No.

Rey pushed the lightsaber into Maz’s hands like it had burned her.

“I don't want any part of this war. I’ll help your Resistance, but I won’t do anything more. Once BB-8 is safe, I will leave.”

Maz leaned forward, disappointed. “You’re running from the fight.”

Anger like poison roiled in Rey’s stomach.

“This was never my fight,” Rey hissed. “The galaxy has spun on while I was in exile; it will spin on again.”

The Dark Side, the Light Side: none of it really mattered to her. It was all ideology from people who couldn't fully comprehend the Force.

She cared, many millennia ago, but only because armies that fancied themselves dictators of the galaxy sought her out. Then, she wielded weapons against Force-sensitives. That had been a long time ago.

Finn had the right idea in running.

“It will become your fight,” Maz said.

Rey spat, “Really? How?”

Maz opened her mouth, then shut it again. “In time, child.”

Rey sneered at Maz before storming out.

Finn was leaving, Han and Chewie, though they were kind, were likely going to go somewhere she couldn't follow. BB-8 would, at least, be safe with them.

She had done what she needed to do. This war would continue on an equal playing field. Now, she could find a new place to live for another century, or whenever the Force decided it was fit for her to die. She did it before, she could do it again.

The air tasted metallic now when she stepped back into the sunlight. She didn't know where to go next but she imagined anywhere was better than Maz’s palace.

She made two steps into the woods surrounding the fortress when the screaming started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re getting closerrrrr!  
> Feedback is appreciated!! Really! Please!  
> Cheers!

**Author's Note:**

> -tentative jazz hands-  
> Any and all feedback would be appreciated!  
> Cheers!


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